Lately, I’ve been trying something new—nothing earth-shattering—just learning to use my phone camera differently. I realized I’d been looking in the wrong direction when I recorded myself, which isn’t super helpful when you’re trying to connect with people face to face.
So I’m retraining myself to look straight into the lens. We’ll see how it goes.
That small shift got me thinking: learning a new skill, even a basic one, takes a certain mindset. More importantly, it often starts with asking questions—real ones.
Not All Questions Are the Same
Here’s something I’ve been thinking about: there’s a big difference between asking a question because you want to learn and questioning someone because you’ve already made up your mind.
We see it all the time—especially in the world of law. In any courtroom drama, the questions aren’t really questions. They’re carefully structured traps meant to prove a point or catch someone off guard. A good criminal lawyer is trained to ask that way. It’s part of the job.
But in real life, approaching people that way doesn’t help us grow in our relationships. It actually keeps us stuck.
This is clearly demonstrated in the Bible, especially in the Gospels—Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.
Jesus was asked a lot of questions. But not all of them came from the same heart.
- The disciples asked questions because they didn’t understand. They followed Jesus, listened to Him teach, watched Him do sometimes confusing things, and then they’d come to Him later, in a quieter moment, and ask.
They were curious. Humble. Open to learning. - Then there were the religious leaders, who also followed Jesus around—but with a different motive. Their questions weren’t coming from a teachable heart. They were trying to prove something, to trap Him, to confirm their assumptions.
One group asked to grow. The other asked to justify what they already believed.
And I think that’s where this hits home for many of us, especially if we’ve experienced hurt at the hands of people in leadership.
Sometimes, we start asking questions not because we want to understand but because we don’t trust. We’re guarding ourselves, waiting for proof that this leader can’t be trusted either.
The problem? People on the receiving end of questioning can often feel that. There’s a difference between someone asking a question and someone questioning you.
So if you’ve found that your questions aren’t always met with openness, or you’re feeling let down by the responses you get, it might be helpful to pause and ask:
Am I asking this because I truly want to understand? Or because I already believe something and I’m looking for confirmation?
This doesn’t mean we should stop asking hard questions. Not at all. In fact, honest, challenging, genuine questions are how we build trust, deepen relationships, and grow in faith. But the key is in the heart posture behind those questions.
When we ask from a place of humility and curiosity—even if we’re unsure or nervous—the door opens for real connection, learning, and growth.
When I ask someone a question, am I creating space to learn something new, or just looking for proof that I was right all along?
It’s a small distinction, but it changes everything.
Thanks for journeying with me through my ramblings. Whether it’s learning to look into a camera or learning how to stay open in conversation, I’m still growing, and maybe you are too.
Let’s keep asking questions. The kind that helps us grow.
©2025 Katherine Walden